Those poor poor Vegans.

Last night two of my friends, Jenny and Steph, came over to have a taco dinner and hang out with us. So we all piled into the car and went to HEB (for those of you NOT from Texas, its the mega grocery store here). So we got all things for dinner and then they smiled at each other and said "We have a surprise for you." And being the only child that I am, I got super excited. So we wondered about the store and wound up in the frozen food section. And low and behold they said that they wanted to buy me some awesome frozen meals for the blog, because they love it.

So today we are starting with the 5 day "Jenny and Steph" meal...week. OK so it's only 5 days, that's not really a week, whatever, you get the point. I have some awesome meals in store for everyone these next few days. So lets get right down to it.

I know what yall are thinking, "What. Is. That." because that is what I thought when I first saw it. Well for your information it's...um...it's....it's vegan? I'm really not sure what sadistic freak came up with this. The ingredients include: Black beans, Sweet potatoes, Plantains (wait what?), kale (wtf is that?!) Spicy Ancho Sauce (what?!), Some kind of grain (why?!), and some Polenta (how come D:). Now in theory you would think that this would make for a satisfactory meal, something you would pay a pretty penny for at a restaurant. But the fact that is has Plantains in it makes me REALLY REALLY nervous. Microwaving Plantains just does not sound good. Especially when it for 8 minutes. Yes, you heard me right eight minutes.


Now here was my problem. I have never once in my entire life changed the power level on my microwave. Does it make much of a difference? I have no idea. But these instructions are ridiculous. Anything that has to cook for 8 minutes in a MICROWAVE to become edible does not sound like it should be 1) Microwaved and 2) Edible.

So I started my break and RAN into the kitchen and made this sucker. Now I will say that it did not smell bad while cooking. It had a kind of sweet smell to it, I was getting kind of excited. Maybe, and just maybe this would not look like vomit and would actually taste decent.

I opened the microwave to take it out and the plastic on top was reshaping itself from all the heat. I'm shocked it did not melt right onto it. I let it sit for three minutes and put on a plate and pulled off the plastic, which was now solid. And...


Er. Uh, Ok maybe it's the flash, yeah, the flash on my camera is making it look like vomit. Lets try one without the flash and at another angle!


Now it looks like burned vomit.

I kind of stared at it for a moment, poked it a couple of times with my fork. I went to take my first bite, but even after 3 minutes of waiting, it was still smoldering. So I give it another few minutes. The top kind of created this crusted layer and I'm about 80% sure I burnt it (did I change the power levels as directed? Nope!) So I gave it a few more moments. As I stared I thought "It can't be too bad. Those Mannicotti were delicious and they were swimming red sauce. This stuff is just kind of stacked on top of some kind of something that is claiming to be grain."

So I finally mustered up the courage and took my first bite....kind of gritty. A little sweet but also kind of spicy, but not enough of either to make any kind of difference. Occasionally I would get a black bean and I would recognize something and be, at least, excited. Even the sweet potatoes were decent. I just kind of navigated around plantains and ate around it. There was also some kind of green thing I found. Only one leaf, it looks like drowned spinach you would find in a can. It didn't have any kind of taste, which worried me. Most of it really didnt have any taste at all.

I finally had eaten pretty much all the grain and beans and sweet potato I was given and two slabs on plantains just staring at me. So I cut one in half, and just shoved it into my face.

Oh. My. God

I shivered and went "buhuhuhuh". I rarely ever do that while eating. This stuff was beyond gross. At first it leads you on with a sweet "Oh yeah, I'm totally like a banana" taste. Then after it sits a little bit longer it goes "HAHA! JUST KIDDING! IM ACTUALLY DISGUSTING " It just keeps escalating, getting worse and worse as you chew it. It finally goes away after you swallow. Oh god it was terrible. After that I just picked at the grains and whatever else I could recognize. I tried one more bite of the plantains and regretted it immediately after it got into my mouth. I couldn't eat anymore. I was over it. My stomach was screaming in refusal and my mouth could not get enough water to try to wash the taste out.

Today's Lesson: Mayan Harvest Bake. Do not eat it. If you want to try it, go for it, you have been warned. Maybe I burnt it and that's why it was gross. I mean it is "good for you" but if you want to eat something healthy, just go eat an apple or a salad or something. I will gladly eat the french fries from my chicken little yesterday, before I eat that again.

The taste is stuck in my mouth :(

-Mitchell-